I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
