just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
