seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
