Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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