No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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