He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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