there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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