Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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