i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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