I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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