Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
