Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
