There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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