We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
