Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
