I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
