I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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