i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
