Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
