Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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