had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
