You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
