I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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