didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Non-Jews are for practice
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
