We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
