8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
a search helicopter?!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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