my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
