You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
