You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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