I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
