2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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