Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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