How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
