That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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