i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
