If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
