If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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