you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
