i just google imaged poop.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
