it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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