He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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