So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Im part way to drunk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
