He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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