and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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