Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
