This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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