Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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