she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
