Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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