So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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