Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
