just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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