i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
