Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
