I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
