Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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