Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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